One of the main reasons girls decide to stay in sports is because of the relationships they build with each other and with you, their coach.
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Relationships are integral to the growth of girls in both sports and life.
You can help facilitate relationships among your athletes, while also developing appropriate, supportive, and meaningful relationships with athletes. Positive team dynamics are about camaraderie and feeling a sense of acceptance and belonging. When girls feel less than accepted or supported, they quit. Conversely, when girls feel accepted and valued, they try hard and perform well. Positive coaching is about creating a welcoming, supportive, and inspiring environment. [14]
In this section, you’ll learn how to help girls intentionally create connections within your teams by implementing research-based tactics. But first, let’s dig deeper into why relationships are so important.
Research has shown that relationships are the secret to happiness
A Harvard study followed a cohort of 268 Harvard students for almost 80 years. [15] During this time, the researchers looked at various aspects of the participants’ lives, where they lived, where they worked, and how much money they made to find out the science behind what made for a happy life. In an interview near the project’s conclusion, the leading researcher, George Valliant, highlighted some of the results in his study:
“The only things that really matter in life are your relationships to other people.”
“Our relationships with other people matter, and matter more than anything else in the world.”
“This study has come to the conclusion that there is one thing that really matters: love.”
Notice a pattern? So what does the research suggest about working with girls?
Relationships matter
Relationships can move someone in a different direction, for the better or for the worse.
Relationships can move someone in a different direction, for the better or for the worse.
Coach relationships can be the most important influence on a girl’s life, the person who tips the scale in a positive direction.
Coach relationships can be the most important influence on a girl’s life, the person who tips the scale in a positive direction.
Every interaction you as a coach have with a girl counts: every moment is an opportunity to build and cultivate relationships.
Every interaction you as a coach have with a girl counts: every moment is an opportunity to build and cultivate relationships.
The effectiveness of your relationship as a coach of girls will depend in part on your ability to relate to them. It is important that all the girls on your team feel like they have a personal connection with you.
The effectiveness of your relationship as a coach of girls will depend in part on your ability to relate to them. It is important that all the girls on your team feel like they have a personal connection with you.
So what can these relationships look like?
Coach Jane is a soccer coach in Chicago working with a young player named Erica.
Erica is a great athlete but has a hard time dealing with disappointments in sports.
When she made a great pass, and her teammate failed to score a goal, she got frustrated. When it happened a second time, she sulked off the field and was upset for the rest of practice.
Many of her previous coaches had tried and failed to get Erica to overcome these setbacks on the field. But Coach Jane figured out that she could use this setback to teach Erica about good sportsmanship. She talked to her about recognizing other people’s efforts rather than just their failures.
At a midseason tournament, Erica passed the ball, and her teammate missed the shot. When she got upset, Erica looked at Coach Jane, who applauded Erica and her teammate and encouraged them to try again.
Erica looked back at the player she passed to and did the same thing: smiled and cheered her on!
After the game, Coach Jane talked to Erica and praised her for having a good attitude even when things didn’t go perfectly.
What made these magic words/actions work?
Well, it wasn’t just the words that changed Erica’s behavior. Coach Jane invested in building a relationship with Erica: she talked to her about life and school and got to know her during practice and at games. Through all these times and situations, Coach Jane got to know what motivates Erica. So it was the relationship, built over time, and not the words, that inspired the change.
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